My husband has always been selfish but now he has dementia this is much more in evidence.
He is 92 and 20 years older than me.
I am wife 3. He has not been a good dad or grandad showing little interest in any of them.
Recently his mobility and things he is capable of doing have declined but he is in complete denial and still thinks he can hike,cycle etc.
I have just had relatives,including a 6 year old visit from abroad. As we were going to visit other members of the family in the North I arranged respite care for him knowing that he would not be able to do what was planned. Relatives arrived Sunday so he met them then Monday I was to take him to brand new care home for 2 weeks.
He refused to go. Eventually I said we were going out for coffee and I'm afraid I drove there. Refused at first to go in but eventually did.
Home says he's been awkward some days refusing to get up or take meds. But he does that at home so no change.
I had lovely few days at my sister's in Cumbria along with relatives from abroad. Then up to Scotland to visit my nephew and family. Unfortunately whilst there i started to feel unwell and came home early.
I've had full blown flu and been in bed for nearly a week. Husband will now have to stay in home longer as I'm too poorly and weak to cope.
At last I've realised what people have been telling me for ages.
We've got to look after ourselves as this is what happens. We get so run down and then once we relax become poorly.
I've been advised not to contact him and just to get better.
I felt very guilty at first but realise that we as carers need to care for ourselves. I had cancer 3 years ago and had to cope with that and looking after him.
Since then most of the things I enjoyed doing I've given up to look after him.
But he's in a lovely home being well cared for.
I'm in bed feeling dreadful not spoken to anyone for 2 days and can hardly have the energy to make a drink. Things have got to change.
Let's get rid of the guilt ladies!