Imagine this: You’re at a social gathering of some kind. Maybe it’s a wedding, a retirement party, a backyard barbecue at Uncle Jeff’s. Inevitably, you’re going to run into people you know — and people they know. From there, you get the pleasure of awkwardly navigating small-talk you want no part of.

But, every once in a while, you introduce your friend to a friend-of-a-friend — and it ends up being a familiar face. They were on the same little league baseball team, they were on the same drumline together, or maybe they saw each other from that one thing that neither truly remembers. The point being: No introduction necessary.

With the 2024 Big Ten schedule released last week, we found out when Iowa would play their new Big Ten foes. UCLA and USC are the new west coast additions to the conference, and the entire conference format is going to be flipped upside down.

Divisions? No more after 2023. And Iowa gets to finally meet both of its newest west-coast-cousins at the first family get-together. UCLA will get a taste of Kinnick-cold, and the Hawkeyes will venture out to Southern California for a date with USC.

The Bruins and Hawkeyes haven’t seen each other in quite a while — the 1986 Rose Bowl. The Hayden Fry-led (and Kirk Ferentz coaching the offensive line) Hawkeyes fell to the UCLA Bruins 38-20. Those two have played nine times between 1938 and 1986, then 38 years of crickets ever since.

But the Trojans? Those are the two friends that played shortstop and second base in Pony League back in the day. All we have to do is go all the way back to 2019 — a Hawkeyes 55-24 Holiday Bowl thrashing. Heck, Spencer Petras was still on the team.

This rivalry doesn’t only have recency, it has substance. The 2003 Orange Bowl featured both the Heisman Trophy winner and the runner up. Future No. 1 overall pick Carson Palmer vs. an offense led by Brad Banks and Dallas Clark. 2002 was perhaps Kirk’s greatest season, but it ended in a sour 38-17 defeat.

And for the most part that’s been the norm when these two faced off. USC rattled off four wins, including a forgettable 48-0 win at Iowa Stadium and a 171-19 total point differential. Although the Hawkeyes mustered a two-game win streak from 1950-61, it’s been a lopsided 7-3 head-to-head advantage USC.

They didn’t grow up on the same street, maybe Ohio State could make that claim with the 23 all-time matchups with USC. But two of the great Hawkeye seasons in the Ferentz era ended with a bowl game against the Trojans. This won’t be a protected rivalry anytime soon, and I can’t quite think of an applicable trophy name.

But, a trip out to Southern California qualifies as the “Wild Wild West” part of the country, so I’ll pay homage to Kirk and call the first matchup between these two teams the “transfer portal“.

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